Directed by Rene Liu, Forget You Not is one of the best Netflix originals to have been released this year. The fear of losing one’s parents, the anxiety of seeing them grow old, and coming to terms with the cycle of life were some subjects that were depicted in such a beautiful manner in the series that one couldn’t help but marvel at the writing and what the creators had been able to achieve. The narrative makes us realize we are usually so busy growing up that we fail to make more time for our parents. And before we know it, it is a bit too late. Seeing Chin Han play the character of Cheng Kuang-Chi, I was reminded of a short story named “Boodhi Kaki,” written by one of the most exceptional Hindi writers, Munshi Premchand. The series beautifully depicted how old age is the revival of childhood. How parents become like kids once they reach a certain age, and how the responsibility of looking after them falls on the children. So let’s find out what happened in the series, try to break down the experiences that Cheng Le-Le had while on her journey, and at the end understand how it all changed her as a person.
Spoiler Alert
What happened to Le-Le’s father?
It is said that old age is the revival of childhood. At first, parents look after their children and make sure they raise them in the best possible manner, and then the duty falls upon the children to do the same. Cheng Le-Le met her father, Cheng Kuang-Chi, once or twice a month, but soon she realized that she needed to be there for him more than that. It came as a shock to Le-Le when the doctors diagnosed Cheng Kuang-Chi with dementia. They told Le-Le that though the illness was at a nascent stage, with time it would get worse. At that point in time, Le-Le didn’t know the kind of challenges she would have to face in the future. Actually, even if she had known, it wouldn’t have prepared her for what was to come. Kuang-Chi started experiencing memory loss: from not remembering the details of what had happened in the past to feeling disoriented, the man’s health started deteriorating with every passing day. Le-Le was going through a tough phase in her personal life too. She had recently lost her job, and she was finding it quite difficult to balance her personal and professional life. But not being there for her father was not an option for her. She decided to move into her father’s house as she didn’t want to be worried about him all the time. She knew that, even if he was in denial, he needed somebody to be there with him. It was a scary feeling to see her father in that sort of condition. At first, even Le-Le didn’t take the diagnosis seriously, but then she started to realize that the doctors were not wrong in being concerned and asking her to take good care of her old man. Le-Le was fortunate enough to have friends like Lin Chia-yuin and Huang Su-fei, and she knew that had they not been there, she would have completely lost her mind and not been able to cope with things. But still, Le-Le felt a void inside her, a sense of loneliness that she couldn’t rid herself of. Le-Le started to realize that she had not been the best daughter, and the least she could have done was meet her father more often. Le-Le’s mother had left her when she was quite young (which we will discuss later in the article), and after that her father had made sure that she got all the love in the world. But when he needed her, when he asked her to meet, she tried to make every excuse just so that she didn’t have to take the trouble of making the time to come all the way to see him.
What created a rift between Chang-Kai and Le-Le?
After Le-Le lost her job, she didn’t know how to earn her livelihood and make sure that she was at least able to look after her father in the best possible manner. She was already working at a convenience store, but she knew that she needed to find another job, as she was finding it very hard to survive on the menial wage. One day, she randomly walked into a venue where a talk show was being hosted. The owner of the venue invited speakers who did stand-up acts, and Le-Le found that quite intriguing. She randomly went on stage and she realized that she had a knack for public speaking. Also, she realized that she had the talent to joke about the tragedies of her life and find humor in it. The audience loved it, and the owner of the venue gave her a permanent spot at the place. Around the same time, Chang-Kai, who went on to marry Le-Le in the future, came to that same venue. Chang-Kai was denied a promotion at his job that he felt he thoroughly deserved. The worst part was that he had already assumed that he would be promoted, and so when the news came in that somebody else had taken his place, he felt as if his entire life had been turned upside down. Two wandering souls who had lost direction in their lives found solace in each other. It took some time, but Chang-Kai was able to convince Le-Le to marry him. Things were fine until the butterflies faded away; the responsibilities started to take priority, and life became mundane. I have always believed that marriage requires a lot of work from both parties, as it is not an easy thing to spend a life with someone. Chang-Kai was very conscious about his image, especially in front of his office colleagues. When they asked him what his wife did, he told them she worked in a bank. Le-Le felt as if her husband was ashamed to accept that she was a stand-up artist or worked at a convenience store. It was the worst possible feeling that one could have. If any stranger had done the same thing, she probably wouldn’t have paid much attention to it. But it was her own husband, somebody she had decided to spend her entire life with. As for Chang-Kai, he was just not happy with Le-Le, as he had started to feel that she never prioritized him. Their relationship deteriorated with time, and finally they decided to part ways and live separately. Also, Chang-Kai was moving to Singapore as he had gotten a better opportunity there, and the transfer seemed to have come at the right time. So from her father getting diagnosed with dementia to her losing her job and then deciding to leave her husband, there was not a single aspect of Le-Le’s life that was in place. I believe that, individually, they were great people, but at that moment in their lives, they were just not in the right frame of mind to understand each other. Where Le-Le demanded respect, Chang-Kai wanted her to understand his priorities and be there for him. I think it was the best possible decision they could have taken, since if they had been together, their relationship would have definitely become baggage for them with time.
Why did Le-Le’s mother leave her?
The fact that Le-Le’s mother had left her when she was so young had left an indelible mark on her subconscious. In a couple of flashback sequences, we got to witness what happened after Le-Le’s mother, Wang Hsiao-Fang, gave birth to her, and the series of events that led to her leaving the house. From what I understood, Hsiao-Fang was suffering from something like postpartum depression, and she was not able to deal with her inner conflicts. Once she gave birth, she realized that taking the responsibility of the newborn was not something she was prepared for. Her husband, Cheng Kuang-Chi, had a job, and he couldn’t be by her side all the time. Kuang-Chi had no clue what Hsiao-Fang was feeling from within, because I think that if he had known, he would have tried to figure things out for her. Music was Hsaio-Fang’s passion, and probably with time she realized that she was not cut out to be a mother. She loved her daughter, at least to some extent, but she also knew that this wasn’t how she imagined her life. She knew society would judge her, but there came a point when she was so frustrated that she didn’t care about it. From Le-Le’s perspective, it was the most disheartening thing she could have ever experienced. I agree that not every woman wants to be a mother; they cannot adjust to motherhood, and that’s absolutely fine. But that said, I also feel that’s something the parents should be aware of before they decide to bring a child into the world. I say that because, in their trial and error, it was the child who suffered the most. Also, the emotional trauma caused by witnessing one’s own mother abandoning you stays for life. Le-Le always said that she probably could understand as a woman why Hsiao-Fang took that call to leave everything behind and start afresh, but as a child, she could never forgive her. Every day, when Kuang-Chi left for work, Hsiao-Fang just stood at the door feeling a sort of numbness. She knew what was expected of her as a mother, but she just couldn’t find a way to not get overwhelmed and burdened by that responsibility. One fine day, Le-Le got the news that her mother had passed away. For years she hadn’t heard from her, and it was a very strange feeling to get to know that she was no more. Le-Le got to know that Kuang-Chi had been in touch with her for a long time, and he’d even paid for her medical expenses in her final years. Le-Le didn’t like the fact that she was kept in the dark. For all those years she believed that her mother had gone to San Francisco, but in reality she was living in the same country. Le-Le probably wanted to ask her father if she’d ever mentioned her or wanted to meet her, but she refrained from asking any such questions, since she knew that nothing in the world could prepare her for the answer. Le-Le realized that certain problems had no solutions, and one just had to live with it.
How did Le-Le and her father’s relationship change with time?
One of the reasons why I really loved Forget You Not was that the entire father-daughter relationship was so close to reality that I couldn’t help but be reminded of similar relationships that I have seen around me. Also, the depiction of how a person changes with age, what happens when they become old, was accurate to the smallest detail. Kuang-Chi’s health and mental well-being kept deteriorating after he was diagnosed with dementia. Soon, the doctors came to know that he also suffered from delirium, and at that juncture, Le-Le had no clue how to deal with the situation. There were times when Le-Le got frustrated. It was like raising a small child. The moment Le-Le left her father alone, the man either left the house and wandered the streets, or he turned his place upside down, not really comprehending what he was doing. Le-Le hired a nanny for him, but she too couldn’t be much help. There were times when Le-Le thought about sending her father to an old age home, but she just wasn’t able to do it. Le-Le was in a very strange state of mind—she felt frustrated, but at the same time, she felt guilty even entertaining the thought of abandoning her father. Le-Le kept pushing herself because she knew that if she left him, then he would lose all will to live. Le-Le just kept telling Kuang-Chi that even if he forgot her name and everything else about his own life, he should remember that he had a daughter who loved him more than anything else in the world. Every day was a new challenge, and Le-Le got to know a lot of things about herself while being there for her father. It was as if her father’s illness had pushed her on a path of self-discovery where she understood the real essence of life. It was as if she was seeing the genetic makeup of her father transforming with time. The man was aging, but from within he was becoming more and more like a child every passing day. Le-Le realized that, as a daughter, it was her responsibility to give him a reason to stay alive. She knew that if she left him, he wouldn’t be able to survive for long. There were times Le-Le felt miserable about her own existence, but she also knew that if, being a daughter, she didn’t take responsibility for her father, who would?
And then one day, just as a tenant leaves their rented flat, Kuang-Chi took his last breaths and left the world. Le-Le, in that moment, realized that nothing could have prepared her to deal with that moment. Her old man had told her to bury him next to his wife, but also said to leave some distance between the two graves, since he didn’t want her to run away once again. Le-Le knew where she had gotten her humor from. Le-Le didn’t know what to do with her father’s stuff. She realised the dilemma he might have felt when asked to dispose of the things that he no longer needed. Kuang-Chi had recorded certain videos for Le-Le as he knew that, once he left, she would miss his presence, and he didn’t want his brave daughter to feel lonely at any time. At the end of Forget You Not, Le-Le realized that she probably needed her father more than he needed her. All that while she’d made herself believe that it was him who depended on her, but it was not so. There was a sense of emptiness in Le-Le when she sat at the dining table alone and had ramen, the only dish that her father could cook. But she knew that was how life was, and she needed to find reason to look forward to things. She had realized that happiness was a choice and life was too short to mull over things that were not in one’s hands.
