To those who live in cities that aren’t exactly hubs of culture with multiple spots famous for open mics for stand-up comics, our window into this medium of entertainment is, well, whatever’s uploaded on the internet by said comics. For the longest time, I was under the impression that they’d just decide to record one of their sessions and it’d just end up being the one that had the audience falling off their chairs and laughing maniacally. It’s only after some of the comics started explaining the process of perfecting a comedy set and arriving at the decision to put a set on tape that I realized how difficult this whole thing should be. Now, yeah, comics are well within their rights to record every set they do and show you the progress, but I think there’s a fear that if people see them bomb too many times, they might not show up for their “special” shows. Which makes Kill Tony a bit different, as it allows budding comics to risk it all in front of a live audience and let their unpolished acts get etched in internet history. I have watched some of it through YouTube Shorts, but Once Upon a Time in Texas is my first time watching an entire show. How was it? Well, let’s find out.
In case it’s not clear already, Kill Tony: Once Upon a Time in Texas is hosted by Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redban. They have some panelists, which in this case are Gabriel Iglesias, Roseanne Barr, and Rob Schneider. And then you have a long list of comedians, some of whom are experts at their craft and others who are starting out. Experience is no guarantee of success in this situation though, because all of them are dealing out jokes that have probably never been tested in front of an audience before. And the audience they have before them is drunk, which means that everything they do is going to have an immediate and visceral reaction. There is a timer–which is 60 seconds–and the sound of a kitten means that you need to start wrapping it up, and a bear growling means that you have to bring the set to an end. After that, the panelists will interview the comedian, provide constructive criticism or just plain old criticism, and that essentially becomes an extension of the comedy set if the comic can roll with the punches. In very rare instances, the timer is rendered meaningless because the audience is enjoying the set too much. With the exception of Iglesias, Hinchcliffe, and Redban, everyone has to belt out some jokes. And now, I’m gonna judge them based on how much they made me laugh.
Okay, let me start off the proceedings with the good sets. To be honest, Yang didn’t seem like she had the makings of a decent comic, but as soon as the interview started, she knocked it out of the park. Fiona Cauley was straight-up excellent. The build-up to her baby-tripping punchline was exquisite, and the joke she cracked about her trip to Cabo during the interview section was brilliant as well. She genuinely made me laugh out loud. One of the highlights of the entire show though was, surprisingly enough, Carrot Top. I am old enough to remember Carrot Top being the butt of every joke, and to see him do this rapid fire set with the weirdest props imaginable to mankind was euphoric, to say the least. I mean, he had everyone up on their feet to give him a standing ovation, and I would have joined them too had I been there. Ari Matti’s set was splendid. The precision and efficiency with which he delivered every single punchline was mind-boggling. I could have watched a whole hour of his work. As pointed out by the panelists, Joe Derosa lost his grip on the crowd and then won them over in such a spectacular fashion that my jaw was on the floor. I have never seen anyone do that and it was simply impressive. Timmy No Brakes undoubtedly killed it. The dude played 4D chess with the panelists and the crowd. It was pretty unique and had me laughing until my sides ached.
Let’s get to the unfunny ones now. Barr’s bit was horrible. Saying the word “dick” a hundred times doesn’t make it comedic. Dedrick Flynn seemed way too nervous to land the punchline effectively. Schneider was just loud. He complained about not getting a lot of work; I think he can open for Marcello Hernández since he also thinks that screaming a lot makes for good comedy. Timely Rain wasn’t really bad, but it seemed like she became a little too one-note. Elvis Bulldozier was a big old nothingburger. As pointed out by everyone, his Elvis get-up and his Brokeback Mountain joke just didn’t go anywhere. I understood what Danny Martinello was going for with his covert American critique, but then he just took a hard pivot into misogyny. I mean, if you have offended Roseanne Barr, then you should be rethinking your whole life. Contrary to everyone’s opinion in the show, I didn’t really like James McCann’s set. Maybe I would have enjoyed his rambling more if I was drunk. Dusty’s joke was good, but the overall execution wasn’t impactful. Kam Patterson’s “crackhead” bit was alright, however, the buildup to it was extremely bad. Harland Williams’ set was a drag. And the decision to bring things to a close with Montgomery was straight-up baffling. I think that was one of the worst comedy sets I have ever seen; and I have watched a Joe Rogan comedy special, who by the way gets to make a joke about the misinformation he spread. Kudos to Montgomery if he keeps trying after that.
I think I must address the elephant in the room: Redban. Yeah, I know some of you might have been expecting me to talk about those two semi-naked women waltzing around the stage, but based on everything I know about the United States of America, and the audience that Kill Tony caters to, that didn’t shock me one bit. But why was Redban even there? Even when he was given the option to make some “Asian jokes,” he did next to nothing. During the interview sections, which is when all the panelists give their opinions, he had nothing to say. The only “memorable” thing that he did talk about was Montgomery blasting him with a confetti cannon. So, yeah, what’s his deal? Is him being mute throughout the show a subversion of everybody’s expectations that all the panelists have to comment or critique? If there are any regular viewers of Kill Tony, feel free to let me know. All in all, I didn’t really have a fun time watching this. I am glad that this exists because this gives a raw look into the formation of a joke as well as a peek into what Americans define as comedy. On a side-note: I think Indians tried to do a version of it–the show was called India’s Got Latent–and the fact that it got shut down as it was considered “too offensive” says everything that needs to be said about the varied ways in which comedy is perceived across the world.
