You ever just want to give something a chance even when everyone around you is basically putting you off it, and you know it’s not going to be anything but bad? That’s how I felt going into Nadaaniyan. There’s been something very charming about Ibrahim Ali Khan’s presence on the internet. If I had to label it, in fashion terms, I’d put him under the “Quiet Luxury” category. No, I’m not objectifying the kid (whose introduction scene involves winning over the debate team with his rock-hard abs). I’m simply saying his branding is so well done that you can’t help but be curious about what he’s capable of bringing to the table. That is the whole point of being a celebrity, no? But, as I sat down to watch Nadaaniyan on Netflix, I genuinely couldn’t believe that somebody behind the scenes thought that this would make a good film. Now, look, I’m all for giving chances, and in fact, I was actually looking forward to watching this film because who doesn’t enjoy a good old Bollywood rom-com? But boy, was I in for a rude awakening.
Nadaaniyan tells the story of Pia, an 18-year-old rich girl who goes to the fanciest school in Delhi. When a misunderstanding with her childhood friends, a sisterhood, if you will, threatens to ruin Pia’s life, she decides to hire the new kid at school, Arjun, to be her fake boyfriend for a bit so she can save her friendship. But will they fall in love for real? Now, I know what you’re thinking; this sounds pretty okay, but the premise of this film from the start is flawed. The misunderstanding here is that Pia’s been getting messages from one of the guys at school who her bestie Sahira has had a massive crush on. Instead of siding with the victim, Pia, Sahira decides Pia is at fault for not telling the guy she’s not interested, which automatically means she’s leading him on, no? If they’re attached at the waist the way Pia describes them, and if they’re a “family,” this misunderstanding should’ve never built up to a mountain. So the whole motivating incident of the film would basically never have happened? But, okay, sure, let’s say that this is what high school is like, and even a little thing feels like a massive challenge, but is the rest of the film worth watching just by that standard?
Unfortunately, not at all. This film makes every attempt at capturing the hearts of a “young” audience by casting influencers, shoving in words like “adulting” as if someone’s life depends on it, and using “grid” for Instagram, as if it’s going to be the next “fetch” of Internet slang. Sorry to break it to you, darlings, it’s not, so stop trying to make it happen. Then it messes up real bad by including a gem of old-time cinema, Mrs. Briganza from the legend that is Kuch Kuch Hota Hain, as the principal of the school for a pinch of nostalgia. But, like, who is this nostalgia for? Certainly not the audience you’re trying to cater to, who are getting “adulting” thrown at them at this very moment. A millennial audience might sit through Nadaaniyan for the sake of it, but this almost feels like an insult to the character and the old film (despite Karan Johar producing this one).
But wait, there’s more. The story is unoriginal and really feels like it’s something that came out of a 30-year-old’s idea of “woke” cinema (nah, I’m dissing my own group). It’s like, “I will do no research on the demographic I want to represent because I have literally just been through everything they’ve been through, so I know what’s best.” You really don’t. This film tries to superficially deconstruct the class system by creating a Romeo and Juliet-like situation for Pia and Arjun, but it barely even scrapes the surface. The self-aware dialogue really fails to pack a punch, and there’s only one scene in the whole film that’s worth any time at all, and that’s when Arjun’s father explains to him what love truly is.
There’s already been talk on the internet about how new Bollywood films look fake, so I’ll just add a little bit to that discourse. This film looks like a 2-hour-long “Dairy Milk Silk” commercial. Everything is oddly colored, and there’s a bokeh effect in every second scene, which is, of course, backlit. You know, the entire film feels like that one scene from the song in Main Hoon Na when all the papers start to fly and SRK realizes he’s in love with Sushmita Sen and the song starts to play, but not in a good way. Sure, it’s direct-to-streaming, but why does it look like a Barbie movie rendered to look real? (No, no, I’m not insulting Barbie movies; I’m just saying that’s how flat the scenes look).
Of course, you’re all waiting for me to say something about the performances, but I feel like it’ll just be a repeat of whatever we’ve already heard since the release of Archies. Even in a film where Khushi Kapoor is essentially playing herself, her hindered dialogue delivery really takes away from her charming appearance. She’s meant to be a strong female lead with a lot of baggage, but her flat expressions don’t really get her any sympathy points. On the other hand, debut star Ibrahim Ali Khan actually makes a slight impression. He does struggle a little bit with the emotional dialogue delivery, and in the scene where he exposes Pia in front of the whole school, i.e., the conflict that is very clearly presented in the trailer, you can really tell he’s out of his element. But hey, I guess he’ll improve after a movie or a hundred. The rest of the cast are all basically legends at this point, and yes, Jugal Hansraj plays a great dad, and so does Suniel Shetty. Dia Mirza and an unrecognizable Mahima Chaudhary are also fantastic and try their best to carry the film.
What a shame it is that Shauna Gautam couldn’t use her experience in the movie Rocky Aur Rani Ki Prem Kahaani to enhance this film. Sometimes, all we need is cringey films with cheesy dialogue and over-the-top gestures, but this film lacks the foundation to make any of those things work. Even the music can’t redeem this film, because apart from the one song that became a big hit, the rest of the songs aren’t even mediocre, but the Diwali party song has to take the cake for the worst Diwali song ever written. I’m honestly appalled at the thought that someone okayed this. If I had to compare, I could say this film is trying to fill the gap that Student of the Year left, but that’s a film you enjoy even if you hate watching it because Karan Johar just knows how to make stupid look cool. Here, even the entertaining montages look unbearably lackluster.
At the end of the day, if you felt like me, you wanted to give this movie a go. I’d honestly try to turn you the other way, but if you still want to give it a try, then I’ll just have to take a step back. The film doesn’t carry any of the great romantic feelings of old Bollywood that you might be looking forward to, so be warned. I’d give Nadaaniyan 1.5 out of 5 stars.
